Confessions of a not yet broken heart

In honour of an upcoming super-important holiday, Fifty Shades Darker movie premiere… just kidding, it’s Valentine’s Day soon, guys. I decided to write about something I have literally never written before. And almost never spoken, except to my best friend. Even to my mum, who’s like my best best friend ever. It’s gonna be a very honest article, as you might have guessed, considering the title. May the odds be ever in my favour.

 

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Illustrator Andrew Hou had trouble expressing his love for his wife in words, so he decided to do it through art instead. Take a look

 

What is love?

Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more… Please tell me you sang along, otherwise we are not a perfect match.

What is a perfect match anyway? When do you know that “oh my god, this is love”? I asked my friends and got lots of amazing responses.

Here’s a list of best replies:

The older I’m getting, the more I’m starting to think that loving relationships are those where 1+1 is greater than 2 ❤

1+1 is power.

Love exists, it’s just totally different from this commercialized bullshit we see everywhere. Because everyone sells and buys ‘love’, we stopped thinking about it as about something deep and started to mistaken it with the feeling of falling in love.

Tough but true.

Love is a collection of feelings: addiction, trust, care, understanding each other. When a person says “I love you”, all feelings unite and create this effect that we call love.

This is, by the way, the only male reply I got. Bravo and thank you.

Love is a chemical reaction.

Hell yes, it is.

Love is the energy that fuels souls.

Oh my. I love it!

Love is something unexplainable. I know that when you love someone, happiness of your beloved one is more important for you than your own.  And this feeling, if it’s real, conquers all.

Unexplainable, exactly.

Love is respect, friendship, passion, just every second of your life when you care about person more than yourself…

Goosebumps all over my body, ouch.

 Love is not something unexpected or something that you feel all of a sudden. It’s a feeling that takes lots of time to appear, to ripen. Love is a mixture of respect, understanding, care, support and trust❤

Yes, love ripens, absolutely. That’s why I don’t believe in love at first sight. Passion at first sight, though… 😉

Love should equal respect and a wish to understand what your partner feels. But it also means waking up with a smile on your face, as if you are being heated up from the inside, as if warm sweetened milk flows all through your chest.

OMG, the last metaphor!!

I believe “love” is a verb (in any language) meaning to take care, to understand, to support, to encourage, to sacrifice, to protect…

And again – goosebumps.

 

So, as you can see, lots of common threads.

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My mum and aunt say love isn’t too real a thing. “What exists between two people in a marriage is respect. You should find your partner at least a bit attractive physically, of course. But respect, Iryna, is the most important thing in the relationship” © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Oh, really? Mum, is this what you had for my dad in the first place? Respect? Well, he certainly did. When you had a fight, and another man proposed to you, and you almost accepted, and then my dad spent a whole night by your windows trying to get you back. When you told my grandparents that there was a man, 17 years older than you, who just wouldn’t let you go. When he risked his career and you risked being judged by your colleagues, because you were going out with your boss. And yes, you had some hard times together. But I’m pretty sure you felt alive. You felt real. You just FELT. Respect? I guess. Love? For sure.

 

Now, there are people who are with people, because they know they are good for them. And I accept that. It’s hard for me to understand, but who cares? I don’t need to understand everything in this world.

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Love may come in different ways. That I understand for sure.

Take my beloved aunt. She didn’t feel, what they call, passion for her husband, but she had some kind of deep affection for him and his actions. She still does. And I can’t imagine them apart.

Here is another example.  My friend. She said she didn’t find her boyfriend attractive, but she really “admired him as a person”. She hesitated for a long time, but he was so persistent, she finally gave up. And it worked out for them. They are still together. And I’m honestly hoping for “they lived happily ever after” story, because she deserves it.

 

These stories happen. Will it be my case though? Never. These stories happen to women who let themselves be loved, offering their admiration in return, as a gift. I want to be loved. But as a gift I really just want to love too. As a gift to myself I guess.

Never say never. True. But this thing I’m doing now is called “confessions”, so, for now, I’m confessing – I can’t imagine myself in a relationship where one person loves and one person lets himself be loved.

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You know what made me write this post? Actually, who. My mummy. I made a stupid joke about never getting married and living with a bunch of dogs for the rest of my life. So, here’s a hint: this is probably not the best thing to tell your mum, even if it’s meant as a joke.

 

Omar Khayam once said: “And better be alone, then with whoever.”

Sometimes, when I’m really desperate (lol), I want to forget all about this “rule”. But no matter how much I try – I just can’t. Which means I probably shouldn’t.

 

Yes, I have never been in a relationship, mum. No, this is neither a final verdict, nor a death sentence.

I’m just 20. So, no worries, mum. I honestly believe somewhere in this world there is one crazy person who’ll be so unlucky, as to fall in love with me. And I will be lucky to fall in love with him.

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This is what I wish to all of you, my curious friends.

 

Love is…

Love just is.

No need to insert anything.

 

Iryna Zheliasko

 

 

 

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